THE STORYBOARD CALLED LIFE

Love Stories – Episode 7: Storge the 1st

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Cover art by Katrina Nash of Yours Truly. Check out her work on Facebook and Instagram!

This is the seventh post of the Love Stories series. The pilot is here, Chapter 1 here, 2 here, 3 here,  4 here, and 5 here , and 6 here .

Thanks to everyone who entered the This Is Love competition. We’ll announce a winner soon 😉


Storge

Storge is familial love between siblings, parents, cousins, spouses, and children. We’ll chat more about it next week, just wanted to share a special story this week.

Much love xo


The Best and the Worst Days

The day she told us she was pregnant was the best day. She sent us a message that said, “Hey look at this” along with a photo of the positive pregnancy test. It took them a while to get pregnant. They had tests done and the doctors would say, “You’re fine! You just have to keep trying.”

She and her husband set a date, It was October 1, 2015. She had said, “We’ll speak to the doctor. If we have to go through IVF, we’ll go through IVF. Let’s do a pregnancy test today. Let’s just see.” Instead of going to the doctor to think about various possibilities, it was to tell the doctor she was pregnant. It was the best day. We were so excited.

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We watched him grow. Watched her grow. She embraced it. She’s such a good mother. She just loved this child so much. Greg was finding his way, but you could see how much he loved this child, too. We’d go to parties and someone would bring their baby and he would hold it saying, “I don’t know how to hold this thing.” So he was really excited because this was his chance. He was gonna be a dad. It changed them. This was the next stage of their life, the next step in their journey.

It was a Tuesday when she went to her final scan to prepare for the C-section on Wednesday. I got a phone call at 2 o’clock. “I lost him.”

I said, “What?!”

“Rae, I lost the baby.”

I just shouted, I just yelled.

“I lost him, Rae. I don’t know what to do.”

That morning, she went to the doctor to have a scan. The doctor couldn’t find his heartbeat. They sent her to the clinic and they couldn’t find a heartbeat. So they sent her straight to the hospital because they had better technology, but they still couldn’t find a heartbeat.

Hearts were on the floor in that hospital room.

“I want this baby”

“I know you do”

“What am I gonna do?”

I didn’t know what to say.

I’ve never seen my dad cry so much. My dad would say, “I’ve experienced so many hardships in my life. But this would have to be the hardest. It’s something you never want your children to go through. Never.”

When they got home. There’s the bed. There’s the cot, there’s the pram, there’s the car seat, there are his clothes. What do you do? You pray.

We went back to the hospital at 4 o’clock. They let us stay as long as we liked. They were so kind. They catered to whatever we needed. She got a private room, right in front of the nurses. She was the top priority for that floor. We couldn’t believe it. I can’t believe how amazing they were at that hospital.

We called up our cousins, we didn’t want to tell anyone. We started the novena prayers for the deceased for 9 days. It was really strange. So much so that we started laughing. How do you pray for a soul that hasn’t sinned? But a prayer is a prayer.

I couldn’t imagine what Roscille was feeling that night. Her and Greg. They had to make a decision. Her choice was to have a C-section or natural birth. She goes, “I’m gonna do everything for this little boy. I don’t want a C-section.” The doctors don’t tell you what to do, they just suggest. Natural was the safer option and she said, “I’m gonna do that.”

So they had to administer a drug that would induce labour. On average, labour happens after 3 doses and then you can deliver. They administered the first dose at 6 am and she was already giving birth at 9 o’clock. However hard the situation was, God blessed her to make it a bit easier.

Giordan was due 2:30 pm – that’s when the C-section was scheduled. I couldn’t be in the room. She didn’t need an epidural. She was really good. I could hear her. I kept going in and out of the room. I sat outside and I prayed.

Whenever I think of Giordan, I relate him to the weather. Rainbows. Sunshine. While I was praying, the sun was on my back from the window. Literally burning my back. Like I was being embraced. I get it. It’s your sister. Let me look after you so you can be strong for her.

She delivered at 2:30 pm. Isn’t that funny? Who would’ve thought? The doctor was a Catholic man. He has 14 kids. As he was delivering, he was praying.

We got to meet him, they let us hold him, which was the best thing. Back in the day, they didn’t let that happen.  Holding him was healing. You should have seen his head, he was really cute! He looked like Greg. He was so beautiful. They thought if he had his eyes open, he would’ve had Roscille’s big brown eyes.  

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The little baby had to have an autopsy and from there, it was straight to the funeral parlour. Afterwards, the doctors came together, talked and debriefed. They were all in mourning because they couldn’t believe this happened. The hardest was yet to come.

I didn’t want Roscille to do anything. I made phone calls to the funeral parlour and to the cemetery. Mum and Dad already have a plot at the cemetery, for two coffins. However, they could fit a pocket so a small child or someone that’s been cremated can fit. That was one less thing that they had to worry about. Another blessing amongst the madness.

Choosing songs was hard. His songs are Somewhere Over the Rainbow or You’ll be in my Heart in Tarzan. That’s Roscille’s favourite. My friend said, listen to this song. It’s a Hillsong song, written by someone that’s lost a child.  We played this too. 

Greg didn’t want to carry him. Their friends really stepped up. They carried the little coffin. My dad carried the coffin. He was doing everything for this child. He said, “I’m gonna do everything I can for my grandson.” The cemetery was full. People we hadn’t seen in years. Friends from before, friends from now, family friends. The priest couldn’t believe all these people came, “This little boy is loved. This family is loved.” They set out 60 chairs. We had more than 200 people standing.

There’s a section where the parents go to pray for their child. My sister did it all. I can’t believe her strength, if I had half of that, I’d be a better person. She is amazing. I am in awe of her strength.

The little hearse drove him to where he was gonna be buried. Greg said, “I’m gonna carry him.” Greg and Dad carried him. I can still picture her laying over the burial plot “I miss my baby, I want my baby, where is he?”

She stayed at home with us. I didn’t go to work. We got to bond in the silence. This is how I know her spirit is strong. She goes, “Giordan was really fat, hey? He might not be able to fly with his angel wings because he’s so heavy. ”

We did a lot of family stuff. Her friends, Michell and Joanne brought her to the cemetery on her birthday, and we ate cake. She knows I’ll always be there for her, but it’s also the people who are not blood related who are also there.

After this happened, I had a work review one day at the gym. Every year this happens if you want to get a pay rise. I sat down with my boss and she asked me, “What happened? I had to fail you.” I don’t fail anything. She goes, “What’s going on? This isn’t the Raelene I reviewed last year. This is someone different. Is there something going on in your life?” I bawled my eyes out. She ripped up my papers and said, “We’ll do this again when you’re ready.”

She asked, ”Does your sister know how you feel?”

I said, “Nah I couldn’t do that to her.”

“You know what, you should talk to her. If you tell me that your sister is ok, maybe talking to her will help you find your strength.”

Roscille and I were chatting one day and she said to me, “Rae, I was just crying out of nowhere.”

I said, “You know you will.”

“I was just really sad.”

Then I let it out, “Me too”

“Really?”

“I still hurt.” I said.

“Yeah me too. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because  I didn’t want to burden you anymore.”

“Rae, we gotta get through this together.” She said.

“Ok.”

This has really strengthened our relationship. I thought we were good, I thought we had the best relationship. But this has taken it to a new level. It’s not as intense as it was. It still hurts, but it’s not as intense. Greg’s opened up too. He’s not really a feelings person. It’s opened up a different relationship between me and my brother-in-law.

Every day got better. I went to work. Then Greg went back to work. Roscille went back to work. I don’t think she would have coped if she didn’t go back to work. It’s very dark, but if you could see her now. You’d shake your head in awe. I told her she should write a book! Because it’s so empowering! Her strength is amazing. It gets me through. She talks to him like he’s there. She takes his rosary beads everywhere. They just bought a car. The plate number is Giordan. She just started a business. That’s in his name as well. Built a granny flat in memory of him. They remember him. So many avenues have opened up because they didn’t stop moving forward.

He’ll be 1 next month. I’m a little bit on edge again. I thought I’d be ok, but this is normal. I don’t normally cry. Now the floodgates have opened and I can’t stop! I love this kid, he’s my nephew. I just pray that God will bless them again because they’d make the best parents. They are amazing.

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My sister is so funny. You know how I told you there have been 4 (miscarriages, still births) since Giordan?

My sister goes, “He’d be the leader of the gang now, hey! He’s going to be very busy. I think it’s called AFC”

“What’s AFC?”

“Angels For Christ”

Whenever something like this happened, we ask him to look out for those kids making their way to heaven. Look for them, Giordan, look after them. Teach them what you know. Teach them how to fly.

I see life differently now. I’m not afraid to die. Not in a morbid way. If he can do it and he’s only a baby, what about me? I’m a grown up adult, what do I have to fear?

We say to my siser, “You gave birth to an angel. How many people can say that?” On mother’s day, we say, you stand up, you claim that. That’s yours, you claim that.

I missed a week of church because I questioned God. But something told me, if you don’t have faith, what do you have? Someone cannot physically give you feeling or healing. But you need to find that strength, I don’t want to feel like wrong has been done. Wrong hasn’t been done. You just have to believe that it happens.

I am honoured she’s my sister. Bottom line. Sucked in to everyone else, because she’s not yours!

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*She was doing this at the cafe we caught up at haha


If you or someone you know is suffering from a miscarriage or stillbirth, there are people that can help. The thing that surprised me was that this is not as uncommon as I thought. Funnily enough, I never met Roscille until last weekend (I’ve been friends with her sister, Raelene for a long time – she was my first leader in our youth group Youth For Christ). Roscille opened herself  to everyone – if anyone ever needs to chat about it, she’s available. If you would like this, please contact me so I can get you in touch.


As cliche as it sounds, I knew she was the one when I first saw her in 2009. That rare feeling you get about a person that one day they will have a great impact in your life. The rest was Gods work.


PreviewTo love isn’t easy. We get jealous, angry and hateful towards one another. I usually tell people, I would be a much better person if it wasn’t living amongst my family. My family brings out the worse me in me. Only my siblings would walk into my room and break something just because they were curious. Funnily enough, that’s never caused me to distance myself from them, ever. I mean, I can definitely hold a grudge and stop talking to them for few days but that always come to end, eventually.

Check out the next installment of Love Stories, “Storge”, on Wednesday 21 June at 3 pm AEST

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Written by Candice

June 14, 2017 at 3:00 pm

Posted in Love Stories

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