Blurred Lines

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I often give ladies  (and even gentlemen to tell ladies and to keep in mind themselves) advice to keep boundaries. I’m not going to pretend that I’m perfect in this, knowingly and unknowingly, I’ve cheekily toed the line or defiantly taken a step over. But more and more I’ve realized how important it is to make and maintain some boundaries.

People overstep boundaries, despite knowing it is wrong or that they can get hurt . Why? A lure they can’t deny? Fear of loss or loneliness? Boredom? The thrill? To fulfil the need to be needed?

So then, let’s discuss: What is a boundary? Why do we need them?


If boundaries are not built and the land is Terra Nullius,  will anything remain special? This goes beyond just anything physical. Secrets, rituals, special places will lose their specialness lol because it has already been done. This post feels a bit familiar. 

It’s the loving thing to do to guard the heart of someone else too. Sometimes they don’t know they need it or can’t do it themselves. Setting healthy boundaries are a sign of positive self-respect and conveys that the builder (let’s call him Bob) will not allow people to define them. It is also a positive defence mechanism protecting Bob against manipulation or being used.

Why do I find interest in this topic, especially on Valentine’s Day? Apparently suicide rates tend to rise in this period as well as the rate for filing for divorce. It is natural for people to want to be loved, valued and needed. This is a good desire. But often in trying to fulfil this desire, we go to unhealthy sources for validation or are in a rush to feel something or have skewed expectations to fulfil this desire,

If you’re being asked to lower your walls, sometimes it is good for you. But when you are asked to compromise your values and what you’re comfortable with, then maybe have a think – would this person still be around if you asked them to respect your boundaries? Sadly, the answer is sometimes no. So should you be with this person? I’m going to hazard a guess and say, move on.

One thing I am really adamant about is best friends of the opposite sex. I don’t think it can work. Friends for sure – I am mates with lots of guys. But best friends? Come on. One is in love with the other, even if they don’t know it. We need boundaries in lots of things, particularly in romantic relationships.

And God said, “Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water.” So God made the vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it. And it was so.

The story of creation in Genesis is a story of creating boundaries. Separating light and dark, water and earth, woman from man. This implies then, that boundaries are good. Boundaries prevent  us from reaching beyond our limits and hurting ourselves. But, even the first humans broke boundaries by eating an apple they weren’t supposed to. People often see boundaries as a hindrance, when sometimes they are in fact good (This is not to say all boundaries are good. Open up, glass ceiling). But if we really think about it, it can be freeing – freeing from unhealthy and unworthy and hurt.

So if you think your boundaries are a little bit blurred, then have a think about where you want your boundaries and what you are protecting, what you value.


Written by Candice

February 14, 2017 at 11:55 am

Posted in Contemplate.

Tagged with ,

One Response

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  1. […] this topic, I should really be writing more posts directed to women, but maybe because I see the effect that men have on […]

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