THE STORYBOARD CALLED LIFE

Incompatible

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Have you ever heard of the Myer Briggs Type Indicator? According to Wikipedia (my first port of call when researching):  

The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is an introspective self-report questionnaire designed to indicate psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions… that there are four principal psychological functions by which humans experience the world – sensation, intuition, feeling, and thinking 
 
It has helped me to understand myself and why I act the way I do and understand other people, too. I think self-knowledge is so important because it gives so much peace and understanding of ourselves, freeing us from the trap of comparison. It’s also so powerful to be able to understand other people. Equality isn’t treating people the same. It’s treating people with the same love and dignity. Loving me in the best way would look different to loving you in the best way.
 
I am an ISTJ. Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging. Introverted, because while I do love interacting with people, at the end of the day, I need to be by myself to recharge. One of my sisters on NET was so flabbergasted that I could spend a whole day off in bed watching Friends. But that’s how I regained my energy. After days upon days of interacting with people, I just needed to be alone with my stories. Sensing because I trust information if it is tangible or  can be perceived by the five senses. and make conclusions based on these observations. Thinking because I tend to make decisions based on logic and reason rather than my emotions. Judging because I prefer structure and order rather than flexible and adaptable. 
 
When I learned this, I hated, it. The type is basically a robot that just thinks instead of feels, which is totally wrong because I cry at least once a week haha (Poor Justin). It is known as “The Duty-fulfiller”  or “Logistician” and I hated that because it’s like I only do things because I’m obliged to and I made me sound more like a robot than a person. This persona is usually the guy that stays back at work to finish something rather than asking for an extension. Therefore, lots of times, the go-to person for certain tasks and often struggles to say no when asked for something. Usually great organisers, usually by the book, faithful, loyal in work, study, relationships. Cheating wouldn’t cross an ISTJ’s mind because it goes against their beliefs. When people ask them to do something that doesn’t make sense, they’re shocked. This persona usually struggles to recognise their feelings and conveying them. Doesn’t mean that they don’t have emotions, just that they don’t like or understand them as well as other people. I sound like a robot. And not even a cool one. 
 

I used to question why this is the way I was made. And I used to angrily accuse God, “Why would you make me this way? Why aren’t I more of an N – intuitive? I would be such a gift to people around me! Why couldn’t I be more of an E – extrovert? Then I could talk to people and evangelise non-stop and be energised instead of exhausted!” The more I have gotten to know myself and God’s plan for me, the more I realised these are the exact letters I’m supposed to have and they are in line with the call He has placed on my life. But we can talk about that another time. 

 
My boyfriend was always so sceptical of all the personality tests I did and how I put people in boxes with them. “Oh he’s a total introvert, that’s why he did this.” “Op, 100% choleric reaction right there, girlfriend.” I appreciated the scepticism because it did remind me, people are more than just their indicators and personalities. But I asked him one time, “Why are you really so against these personality tests?”
 
“According to Myer Briggs, we’re not compatible.”
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Apparently an ISTJ is compatible with an ESTP and ESFP. Because they are extroverted, they will help “draw me out of my shell”. An ISTJ would be good for an ESTP because an ESTP is such a “doer” an ISTJ will help think. An ISTJ and ESFP would be the classic “opposites attract”. I could see how these personas could be compatible. But I could also see how I would be tired or annoyed by them. 
 
Listening to Jason Evert talk in Sydney a few weeks ago, he said
“No one is compatible! Put any two people together and they would be incompatible! Especially men and women! Have you ever heard that ‘Men are from Mars and women are from Venus?'”
It’s true. The world would probably consider that my sister and I really compatible. Similar interests, wavelengths and points of view. But we are still really different. We have different passions, different opinions, different ways of approaching situations, we annoy each other and still sometimes argue. No two people are perfectly compatible because no two people are perfect. 
 
Google defined compatibility as 
(of two things) able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict.
There will never ever be NO problems or conflict. 
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So what does “compatible” actually mean and how should it translate in our lives? 
 
Compatible comes from the Latin word “compati”, which means to sympathise, to have compassion, to suffer with. 
 
So in the truest sense, you can figure out compatibility with someone if you asked “If a trial came our way, would we be sympathetic, would we have compassion, would we be willing to suffer with each other?”
 
Relationships are painful. Life is painful. But if you are surrounded with people you are willing to be compatible with, it is beautiful and meaningful. There is also beauty and meaning in the suffering.
 
 
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*****
 
Side bar. It’s really sad I have to say this. But to suffer for does not include abuse. Physical, emotional, psychological abuse is not love. Love is life-giving, it is fruitful, it is free. If it is love, you don’t have to hide it from other people. Or make excuses for it. One way to discern if this suffering is good is if you ask “Does this suffering make us better people? Am I choosing this suffering or is this suffering inflicted by your partner? Do I feel manipulated? Am I always careful about what I do because I don’t know how he’ll react? Do I feel safe?” 
 
God bless 
*****
Edit: I did the test again. And apparently I’m an ENFJ. LOL. 70% EXTROVERTED WHAT. But borderline everything else. So I could actually also be ESTP. But I also think I would be more ENTJ. Or INTJ. This changes everything! This is almost exact opposite. How does my personality interact with what God is asking of my life? Interesting. Very interesting. Can your personality change based on experiences and growing up? So how did God actually originally make me? And how does He intend for me to be right now? Wh? I always prided myself in my self-knowledge and now I’m just. Just.  Just. Okay? (Barney Stinson reference) Who am I? I’m gonna go have an existential crisis. Bye.
I’m joking, it’s actually really funny. Moral of the story. Do you, boo. You don’t need a label or a personality type. You’re more than 4 letters. Justin was right all along. To paraphrase my fav, St John Paul II: 
 <br>

“We are not the sum of our (labels, our strengths,) weaknesses and failures (, more than how we perceive the world and interact with it); we are the sum of the Father’s love for us.”

This is a

Secret message

hehe

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Written by Candice

June 23, 2016 at 11:20 am

Posted in Uncategorized

One Response

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  1. Hello Candice! Great conclusion. Here’s what I’d add.

    It’s important and good in the beginning to do things like personality tests and understand your own temperament, for after all, self-knowledge is key to holiness and living out the truth of your own particular being. But self-knowledge as such transcends knowledge of personality types, because the human person itself is more than a personality.

    The danger, of course, is that we often don’t appreciate the mystery in the person, that is, we don’t see the person as mystery as such, but we see images and concepts of them. These concepts may capture some measure of reality, but if we are made in the image and likeness of God, then we have to understand that our being is ultimately enfleshed in mystery, for God Himself always remains mystery. One can’t know everything, and if one thinks they’ve figured another person out, then one reduces that person to something that one can understand and hence can control.

    There is something in another person that is Godly. This implies that if you are marrying someone and you don’t acknowledge that you are marrying a mystery, then you are not marrying a human being, you are marrying the animalistic tendencies of that human being. The Godliness of the person as mystery is hence lost, and therefore the human person in the likeness of God is lost. The beauty of mystery is that you can get to know someone infinitely, enabling love to go deeper and deeper, because you appreciate that there is something about that person which eludes me, yet because of that, it forever attracts me to give more of myself to them in love.

    This is the same sense for us. If I don’t acknowledge that I am a mystery to myself, I bring disaster to myself. The greatest fruit in your pursuit for self-knowledge is the knowledge that you cannot fully know. That brings humility and openness – which is the same disposition we ought to bring to God. We understand God by not understanding, which leads us deeper into relationship with Him. Mystery is another way of saying, ‘you can always go deeper’.

    Don’t get me wrong, the personality tests are great and an important part to start when understanding other people and especially a partner. But love over time breaks through all concepts, because love is ultimately God himself – transcendent and mysterious. Ask an elderly couple who have been married to each other for 50 years: their love to them cannot be reduced to personality types, even if that’s what they found in the beginning. They’d probably laugh at us if we asked them that now! That would’ve been something they considered 49 years ago. After 50 years, these things become meaningless to them, because they have learnt to love each other in a deeper way. Even after so long, they are still a mystery to each other. And that is something forever exciting!

    God bless!

    Noel

    June 24, 2016 at 12:24 pm


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