THE STORYBOARD CALLED LIFE

Defeated

with 6 comments

I realised that some of the posts I’ve been writing are downers, which may cause people to think that I’m down. The human experience is not just about the ups, but the downs. And that’s what this blog has evolved to for me. A place to explore ideas and feelings in the hope that I’m not alone or in the hope that a post would inspire or provoke or evoke. So thanks to the people that have approached me about my blog. Recognition or affirmation isn’t what I’m looking for, but it’s always nice to hear something nice.

Also, if you know me well, you’d know that usually I’m pretty good, well-adjusted and happy. So my theory is that every time I experience a negative or downer feeling, I notice because it’s foreign to me.

Honestly, I am a bit reluctant to say it out loud (type it in semi-permanent words) because I was afraid I was committing a sin against hope. Also, I feel like I’m in the eye of the storm, whereas so many people around me are suffering and struggling against the wind and force of their own storms. And I’m still complaining in my stillness.

But then I figured, if I want to be honest I have to call it as it is. And also advice from Morrie:

If you hold back on the emotions–if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them–you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely.

―Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

With that being said, I wanted to explore something I’ve been experiencing and only this morning identified. I think for the first time in my life, I’ve actually felt this way or even just acknowledged or accepted that I did. There wasn’t a big catapulting moment, but a series of small happenings gaining slow but sure momentum and have thrown me off, leading me to the thought that…

I feel defeated.

It seems I’m not the only one. Maybe because it’s Lent and it’s a time of testing and uniting ourselves with our suffering saviour. Maybe because it’s contagious.

I really don’t have any solutions, maybe I should have waited until the drizzle passed.

But tonight I got to speak to a friend (hi if you read this!) and he told me about his storm. He shared to me about how he didn’t know what to do and all that he was doing was praying. He asked me if it was even the right thing to do. My defeated heart had already leapt for joy at the fact that we were talking about prayer. I told him about how beautiful and strong I thought our souls were, despite our minds dragging us down with doubt, reaching for God as if it was so natural even if it wasn’t natural to us.

So I guess there is one main thing I wanted to impart. You are not alone. I am here with you *Michael Jackson anyone? But seriously, it’s a universal thing to suffer, struggle and feel defeated. Even feel alone. We can feel alone together.

It’s always lighter when you share your burdens with others. One of my mates quoted this in a talk ages ago,which I really thought was quoted from a famous person, but I couldn’t find it either on Google or any of my old notebooks. But here it is

Burdens that are shared are halved. Blessings that are shared are multiplied

So. Talk it out with anyone you trust: vent, unload, ugly cry, ugly laugh. Share your burden with someone.

And prayer. Even if you never have, or haven’t for a long time, or you’re avoiding God. Now especially in the middle of these 40 days, I know God would love to hear from all of us. Especially to carry any burdens or help guide us.

So I invite you to pray with me for ourselves and especially for others suffering.

Beautiful

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Written by Candice

March 12, 2013 at 10:27 pm

6 Responses

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  1. Behold me, my beloved Jesus,
    weighed down under the burden of my trials and sufferings,
    I cast myself at Your feet,
    that You may renew my strength and my courage,
    while I rest here in Your Presence.
    Permit me to lay down my cross in Your Sacred Heart,
    for only Your infinite goodness can sustain me;
    only Your love can help me bear my cross;
    only Your powerful hand can lighten its weight.
    O Divine King, Jesus,
    whose heart is so compassionate to the afflicted,
    I wish to live in You;
    suffer and die in You.
    During my life be to me my model and my support;
    At the hour of my death,
    be my hope and my refuge.

    Amen.

    Anonymous

    March 12, 2013 at 11:26 pm

  2. 🙂 ❤ thank you.

    Candice

    March 13, 2013 at 8:53 am

  3. Beautiful!

    I’d like to share the prayer to my confirmation Saint – St Elizabeth Seton

    For constancy and comfort

    Your life was full of immense suffering, yet you maintained your faith. Even during your deepest sorrows, you served others. You said, “Tribulation is my element,” and saw beyond your suffering and into others. I would ask you, Mother Seton, to stand with me when I hurt the most. Help me develop compassion – compassion for my suffering and through it, compassion for the wounds and sorrows that all other people hold. Show me the path through my sufferings that will lead me to know more love, and through that love know more about God. Amen.

    We are definitely not alone! Thanks for reassuring me that. 🙂

    Mez

    March 13, 2013 at 4:51 pm

  4. 🙂 Thanks for sharing Mez x ❤

    Candice

    March 13, 2013 at 11:39 pm

  5. Thanks for your open humble honesty Candice, prayers up! I too actually feel like Im going through something similar to this also.

    Just today I was listening to Kina Grannis’ “The Goldfish song” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jnyj_EQao6g) and her lyrics really kinda captured this feeling in song also, particularly this verse:

    “I had the right intentions
    Sometimes, my hope envelopes me
    And I can’t learn the lesson
    Not to send a goldfish to the sea”

    Btw that quote you posted from Morrie is so perfectly explained. But its just so incredibly scary to dive into those emotions isn’t it…

    Ps. Mez, what a lovely prayer! Thanks for sharing! ❤

    Krystle

    March 20, 2013 at 4:10 pm

  6. thanks for your encouragement Krystle!
    Praying for you too. hope you’re alright x
    ps that song!!!!

    Candice

    March 20, 2013 at 10:10 pm


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